THE FREE ROAST
$0
The first sting is on us.
- One brand roast
- Watermarked share card
- Three quick fixes
Honest pricing
PICK YOUR LEVEL OF HONESTY.
Start with a little constructive chaos. Upgrade when you want a brand that finally knows what it's saying.
THE FULL AUDIT
$19
Your brand's intervention, in writing.
- Everything in the free roast
- Full positioning audit
- Rewritten brand copy
- Priority fixes and action plan
THE MAKEOVER
$99+
For brands ready to get their act together.
- Done-for-you brand direction
- Messaging and copy rewrite
- Custom creative recommendations
No brand-speak allowed
GOOD QUESTIONS. STRAIGHT ANSWERS.
Will it actually be useful?
Yes. The joke gets your attention; the recommendations give you a clear next move.
What can I submit?
Websites, logos, Instagram profiles, menus, résumés, product pages, and nearly any public-facing brand material.
Is the free roast really free?
Yep. Your first quick roast is free and comes with a watermarked card you can share.
What does the full audit add?
More context, specific positioning advice, rewritten copy, and a prioritized improvement plan.